101 Alternative Uses For Phone Books

by Josh on June 14, 2011

I read an article on Search Engine Land called, “Survey: Print Yellow Pages More Trusted Than Search Engines & Social Networks”. This got me thinking, when was the last time I looked at a printed copy of the yellow pages? I couldn’t remember. I asked my wife, she couldn’t remember. Then I looked under the mouse on my home computer and realized oh I use it for something completely different. So I started thinking, what are some other uses you can use phone books for? I figured since it’s late I might as well try to come up with 101 alternative uses for phones books. Why 101? Because 101 is a lot more challenging than 10. Now I’ll admit some of these uses may require at least one or a plethora of phone books to accomplish. I’ll admit, some of these are pretty ridiculous but hey, I had to come up with 101 and I didn’t mention one twice. Gimme a break : )

  1. Coasters
    *Well duh, how else would I start this list?
  2. Mouse Pad
  3. Prop up a wobbly chair/table
  4. Keep a window open
  5. Door stop
  6. A Bookend
    *You might want to tape it shut so people don’t try to open it
  7. Cooling pad for your laptop
    *Won’t cool the laptop, but will keep your legs from getting burned
  8. Hiding place for valuables
    *Assuming you’re an adult and can wield a knife/scissors safely
  9. Build furniture

    *You may need permission from your spouse to do this, mine has already said no. But don’t let that stop you!
  10. Make an origami version of Noah’s Ark
  11. Construct a kitty litter box
  12. Kill a big spider
  13. Weigh down a big box so you can surprise someone with a smaller gift
  14. Scare someone by slamming it on the floor really loud
    *Does not work well if the floor is carpeted
  15. Spit-wads
  16. Armor your car
  17. *I saw this in Burn Notice, it seemed to work well for Michael Westin if you’re not him don’t do it

  18. Build a set of weights to workout with
  19. *bonus if your workout bench is made of phone books

  20. Plates to eat off of
  21. A pillow
  22. Send as April Fool’s joke to a friend who works for a directory company
    *Inside joke…sorry but it still counts
  23. A fort
  24. Use as a fraternity paddle
  25. A booster seat
  26. A way people with short legs could reach the peddles of a car
  27. A race course for hot wheels cars
  28. Stack a bunch up and see how many a monster truck could squash
  29. Picture frames
  30. Construct a full body armor suit
  31. Build a scale model of the seven wonders of the world
    *Yeah I could’ve wimped out and gotten seven uses from this but I didn’t
  32. Serving tray at a party
  33. Halloween costume
    *It doesn’t matter what the outfit is, just use phone books
  34. Step-stool to reach something on the high shelf
  35. A weapon to hit an intruder in the head with
  36. Collect a mass amount, let them soak in water then dry in the sun and place on your doorstep to let the neighbors think you’ve moved
    *Mowing your lawn at night would really confuse them as to why the lawn is perfectly manicured and your porch is littered with phone books
  37. Bonfire
  38. Glue a scratch’n’sniff on one phone book and when a friend leans over to sniff drop another one on their head
  39. Construct a pendulum
  40. Build an outhouse
  41. Action figures
  42. Tape 15 to your body and go to a “guess your weight” carnival stand
    *If you can’t walk normal with 15 try a lesser amount
  43. Find an empty treasure chest and fill it up with phone books, then bury it again
    *You’ll also have to find a treasure map or come up with one on your own
  44. Use one to put out someone who is on fire
  45. Build a fan to keep cool
    *Manual or electronic, either way as long as the fan blades are made of phone books you keep cool
  46. Toilet paper
  47. Insulation for a house
  48. Kindling for a fire
  49. A pot for plants
  50. A music box
  51. Press flowers
  52. Build a scarecrow
  53. Plug the hole in your bucket (Dear Georgie, dear Georgie)
  54. Chew toy for a dog
  55. A scale model of a bus
  56. An obscenely heavy and pointless package just to inconvenience the UPS guy who never knocks to see if you’re really home
    *If you used number 34 on this list you were kind of asking for him not to check if you were home
  57. Mobile for your infant
    *Or for you if you’re having trouble sleeping
  58. Wallpaper
    *I can’t believe it took me until now to think of that
  59. Gift wrap
    *Also, DUH!
  60. A toy boat
    *As a bonus you could also make a captains hat
  61. Jewelry
  62. Tie a bunch behind horses and make crop circles
  63. A vase for flowers
  64. A lamp shade
  65. A ramp for wheelchairs to access buildings that don’t have wheelchair access
  66. Fill an entire room floor to ceiling and create a maze
  67. Stairway to Heaven
    *You may need a building permit to do this
  68. Use in a comparison test to see if monkeys can figure out which provides better information, a phone book or the Internet
    *Make sure the pages marked “bananas” have been removed from the phone book
  69. Replacement seat for a bicycle
    *Also works to replace handlebars and pedals
  70. Tombstone for older phone books
  71. Wet the paper and apply directly to skin for instant temporary “business advertisement tattoos”
  72. Candles
    *May burn faster than normal candles
  73. Make corn meal
  74. Make a funnel to add oil to your vehicle
  75. Construct a shelf to hold books where other phone books are used as bookends as designated in number 6
  76. A bib
  77. A letter to a loved one
    *This may initially look like a ransom note, make sure they read it before reacting
  78. Paper mache phone book
  79. Support pad to draw/write on when a flat surface is unavailable
  80. Make your kids use a phone book to find all the information they would normally use the Internet for as punishment
    *I know this involves using the phone book, but as long as you don’t use it you’ll be fine
  81. Cool fresh baked pies by setting them on phone books that are on a window sill which is being propped open by other phone books as used in number 4
  82. A paperweight
  83. Pour black ink in the middle of the phone book, close and set multiple other phone books on top for several minutes. Open the phone book you poured the ink in and now you’ll have a multi-page inkblot test.
  84. A quilt
  85. Create a jigsaw puzzle
  86. A drum set
  87. Make chimeless wind ornaments
    *Paper doesn’t really chime in the wind
  88. Building blocks
  89. If you live in Alaska use phone books to block the sun from coming in your windows
  90. Welcome mat
  91. Party streamers
  92. Weighted vest for exercising
  93. Toothbrush
    *May turn your teeth black
  94. A flipbook
  95. Hula dancer for your car dashboard
  96. Tear the pages in to dollar bill strips and wrap your real money around those to make seem like you’ve got a big wad of cash.
    *Bonus if your wallet is made out of the same phone book
  97. Shin guards
  98. Target practice
  99. Temporary roof shingles
  100. Reading material for an Internet café on April Fools
  101. Laptop skin
  102. A clock
  103. Make a list of all the companies wasting money on color page ads in phone books that should be using those funds for a more sustainable marketing strategy, get clients in those same niches to rock and roll!

Well that’s all the ones I could come up with. If I left any out, or if by some chance I duplicated an entry lemme know in the comments below!

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Kris Reeves June 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Don’t forget partially bullet-proofing a car!
http://mythbustersresults.com/dive-to-survive

Reply

Josh June 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

lol actually have that listed see number 16 ;) but thanks for the mythbuster link

Reply

Tara June 15, 2011 at 10:57 pm

I love that you are so creative that you can come up with all 101 reasons in under an hour and a half. :-) I am ready for the next list!

Reply

Josh June 15, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Shh you’ll spoil it for the other five people that read this!

Reply

Vibration Plate June 16, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Nice, hilarious post. I might have to start using my phone book for those things now!

Reply

wwe wallpapers September 11, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Really funny list, I’d use the gift wrap one the most often.

Reply

Tim Biden October 21, 2011 at 12:11 am

You forgot packing material. Shred them with a non-confetti type shredder and they make great packing material. A company I worked for back in ’95 shipped a lot of stuff that way.

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

Reply

joshuatitsworth October 21, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I’m gonna remember that next time we have to move. We have used newspapers to wrap plates and glasses though.

Reply

personalised items October 23, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I don’t understand why they still send out phone books. What year are we in? 1993? Such a waste of paper. But apparently we have 101 alternative ways to use them. Haha.

Reply

joshuatitsworth October 21, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Apparently one that didn’t do his research, I’m sorry I’ve upset you Donny!

Reply

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