101 Alternative Uses For Phone Books

I read an article on Search Engine Land called, “Survey: Print Yellow Pages More Trusted Than Search Engines & Social Networks”. This got me thinking, when was the last time I looked at a printed copy of the yellow pages? I couldn’t remember. I asked my wife, she couldn’t remember. Then I looked under the mouse on my home computer and realized oh I use it for something completely different. So I started thinking, what are some other uses you can use phone books for? I figured since it’s late I might as well try to come up with 101 alternative uses for phones books. Why 101? Because 101 is a lot more challenging than 10. Now I’ll admit some of these uses may require at least one or a plethora of phone books to accomplish. I’ll admit, some of these are pretty ridiculous but hey, I had to come up with 101 and I didn’t mention one twice. Gimme a break : )

1. Coasters
   *Well duh, how else would I start this list?
2. Mouse Pad
3. Prop up a wobbly chair/table
4. Keep a window open
5. Door stop
6. A Bookend
   *You might want to tape it shut so people don’t try to open it
7. Cooling pad for your laptop
   *Won’t cool the laptop, but will keep your legs from getting burned
8. Hiding place for valuables
   *Assuming you’re an adult and can wield a knife/scissors safely
9. Build furniture
   *You may need permission from your spouse to do this, mine has already said no. But don’t let that stop you!
10. Make an origami version of Noah’s Ark
11. Construct a kitty litter box
12. Kill a big spider
13. Weigh down a big box so you can surprise someone with a smaller gift
14. Scare someone by slamming it on the floor really loud
    *Does not work well if the floor is carpeted
15. Spit-wads
16. Armor your car
    *I saw this in Burn Notice, it seemed to work well for Michael Westin if you’re not him don’t do it
17. Build a set of weights to workout with
    *bonus if your workout bench is made of phone books
18. Plates to eat off of
19. A pillow
20. Send as April Fool’s joke to a friend who works for a directory company
    *Inside joke…sorry but it still counts
21. A fort
22. Use as a fraternity paddle
23. A booster seat
24. A way people with short legs could reach the peddles of a car
25. A race course for hot wheels cars
26. Stack a bunch up and see how many a monster truck could squash
27. Picture frames
28. Construct a full body armor suit
29. Build a scale model of the seven wonders of the world
    *Yeah I could’ve wimped out and gotten seven uses from this but I didn’t
30. Serving tray at a party
31. Halloween costume
    *It doesn’t matter what the outfit is, just use phone books
32. Step-stool to reach something on the high shelf
33. A weapon to hit an intruder in the head with
34. Collect a mass amount, let them soak in water then dry in the sun and place on your doorstep to let the neighbors think you’ve moved
    *Mowing your lawn at night would really confuse them as to why the lawn is perfectly manicured and your porch is littered with phone books
35. Bonfire
36. Glue a scratch’n’sniff on one phone book and when a friend leans over to sniff drop another one on their head
37. Construct a pendulum
38. Build an outhouse
39. Action figures
40. Tape 15 to your body and go to a “guess your weight” carnival stand
    *If you can’t walk normal with 15 try a lesser amount
41. Find an empty treasure chest and fill it up with phone books, then bury it again
    *You’ll also have to find a treasure map or come up with one on your own
42. Use one to put out someone who is on fire
43. Build a fan to keep cool
    *Manual or electronic, either way as long as the fan blades are made of phone books you keep cool
44. Toilet paper
45. Insulation for a house
46. Kindling for a fire
47. A pot for plants
48. A music box
49. Press flowers
50. Build a scarecrow
51. Plug the hole in your bucket (Dear Georgie, dear Georgie)
52. Chew toy for a dog
53. A scale model of a bus
54. An obscenely heavy and pointless package just to inconvenience the UPS guy who never knocks to see if you’re really home
    *If you used number 34 on this list you were kind of asking for him not to check if you were home
55. Mobile for your infant
    *Or for you if you’re having trouble sleeping
56. Wallpaper
    *I can’t believe it took me until now to think of that
57. Gift wrap
    *Also, DUH!
58. A toy boat
    *As a bonus you could also make a captains hat
59. Jewelry
60. Tie a bunch behind horses and make crop circles
61. A vase for flowers
62. A lamp shade
63. A ramp for wheelchairs to access buildings that don’t have wheelchair access
64. Fill an entire room floor to ceiling and create a maze
65. Stairway to Heaven
    *You may need a building permit to do this
66. Use in a comparison test to see if monkeys can figure out which provides better information, a phone book or the Internet
    *Make sure the pages marked “bananas” have been removed from the phone book
67. Replacement seat for a bicycle
    *Also works to replace handlebars and pedals
68. Tombstone for older phone books
69. Wet the paper and apply directly to skin for instant temporary “business advertisement tattoos”
70. Candles
    *May burn faster than normal candles
71. Make corn meal
72. Make a funnel to add oil to your vehicle
73. Construct a shelf to hold books where other phone books are used as bookends as designated in number 6
74. A bib
75. A letter to a loved one
    *This may initially look like a ransom note, make sure they read it before reacting
76. Paper mache phone book
77. Support pad to draw/write on when a flat surface is unavailable
78. Make your kids use a phone book to find all the information they would normally use the Internet for as punishment
    *I know this involves using the phone book, but as long as you don’t use it you’ll be fine
79. Cool fresh baked pies by setting them on phone books that are on a window sill which is being propped open by other phone books as used in number 4
80. A paperweight
81. Pour black ink in the middle of the phone book, close and set multiple other phone books on top for several minutes. Open the phone book you poured the ink in and now you’ll have a multi-page inkblot test.
82. A quilt
83. Create a jigsaw puzzle
84. A drum set
85. Make chimeless wind ornaments
    *Paper doesn’t really chime in the wind
86. Building blocks
87. If you live in Alaska use phone books to block the sun from coming in your windows
88. Welcome mat
89. Party streamers
90. Weighted vest for exercising
91. Toothbrush
    *May turn your teeth black
92. A flipbook
93. Hula dancer for your car dashboard
94. Tear the pages in to dollar bill strips and wrap your real money around those to make seem like you’ve got a big wad of cash.
    *Bonus if your wallet is made out of the same phone book
95. Shin guards
96. Target practice
97. Temporary roof shingles
98. Reading material for an Internet café on April Fools
99. Laptop skin
100. A clock
101. Make a list of all the companies wasting money on color page ads in phone books that should be using those funds for a more sustainable marketing strategy, get clients in those same niches to rock and roll!

Well that’s all the ones I could come up with. If I left any out, or if by some chance I duplicated an entry lemme know in the comments below!